I’m not sure if I’m depressed. I mean, I’m not exactly sad. But I’m not exactly happy either. I can laugh and joke and smile during the day, But sometimes when I’m alone at night I forget how to feel.
Vincent van Gogh used to eat yellow paint because he thought it would get the happiness inside him. Many people thought he was mad and stupid for doing so because the paint was toxic, never mind that it was obvious that eating paint couldn’t possibly have any direct correlation to one’s happiness, but I never saw that. If you were so unhappy that even the maddest ideas could possible work, like painting the walls of your internal organs yellow, then you are going to do it. It’s really no different than falling in love or taking drugs. There is a greater risk of getting your heart broken or overdosing, but people still do it everyday because there was always that chance it could make things better. Everyone has their yellow paint.
Trusting people is becoming hard
Keeping my grades up is becoming hard
Feeling pretty is becoming hard
Thinking happy thoughts is becoming hard
Doing work is becoming hard
Maintaining a friendship is becoming hard
Doing everything is becoming hard and I don’t like it
Forget stardust—you are iron. Your blood is nothing but ferrous liquid. When you bleed, you reek of rust. It is iron that fills your heart and sits in your veins. And what is iron, really, unless it’s forged?
You are iron. And you are strong.
Dries Van Noten SS2014
Audrey Hepburn with her Oscar for ‘Roman Holiday’, 1954.